“Last time on Balls of Steel…
Ally and Heo were noticeably getting closer, so Chip and Grass formed a temporary alliance to split them up. Then at the immunity challenge, Dark and Toast got away with a smooth victory. When it was time to vote, Ally was set to go 5-1. But just as she was about to leave, an immunity Shrek head she had apparently found earlier was discovered, and she was safe. In the end, it was Heo who wasn’t so lucky, as he got rejected by his love and was sent packing back to Mexico or whatever South American country he’s from. five are left, who will fuck up… TONIGHT!?”
(Merge Camp- Day 31)
Grass: Damn, what happened to Heo was fucked up.
Ally: I can’t believe you guys voted me! Liek I thought we were all friends!
Toast: And I can’t believe it’s not butter!
Grass: Tbf Ally, no matter which outcome, you would end up being saved from Heo. I mean one more night on this island with him and he would have probably forced himself onto you, js.
Dark: Yep, with him and dat Panda Express and dat two dollar ice cream.
Chip: I think the real shocker is that Ally voted for Heo. Like wow, it seemed you two were getting it on. Then all of a sudden: BAM! Heo gets owned. It was quite entertaining honestly.
Toast: All that matters is is that there is finally no more Mexicans here! Thank fuck!
Dark: Boi, I am Mexican, esse.
Toast: Fuck! They be everywhere!
Toast: *In Confessional* Darn Mexicans don’t know how to mow my lawn properly!
Dark: *In Confessional* What they don’t know is that I have connections to the Mexican Mafia. Heo, if you’re watching this, we’re coming for you boi! But don’t tell the others!
Chip: *In Confessional* to tell the honest truth, I knew Ally had that idol. The other day when everyone else went canoeing or whatever I decided to check everyone’s stuff, and whaddya know, saw the Shrek head. So yesterday I convinced Ally to vote Heo, but still voted for her so Grass doesn’t think I betrayed him. Smart one I am indeed. *winks at camera*
(We cut to Grass and Heo in a secluded area in the woods)
Grass: Alright, what now.
Chip: So now that we got the HeAlly stuff out the way. Ally is no longer threatening at the moment. It’s Dark and Toast. Those two are inseparable and we saw them dominate last challenge. Two more votes and they are guaranteed finale together! It makes me sick, really.
Grass: Yeah, I have noticed they are a tight duo. And the fact you voted Ally last night proves to me that you and her are done. So we got this in the bag.
Chip: We sure do, pal. ;)
Grass: Pal? Kind of a fuq boi word, don’t ya think?
Grass: I’m kidding boi, calm your tits.
(Cut back to Ally, Dark and Toast gathered around the campfire)
Ally: Liek, we should totally vote out Grass! you know, since he’s the only one left who hasn’t been on the bottom before.
Toast: Hmm….. That is true. I don’t think in the last ten episodes that anyone ever once voted him. I’m in.
Dark: I’m too Max Goof to be in with this plan *Trollface*
Toast: You bitch!
Dark: Boi, I was joking. Calm down.
Toast: Nobody tells the Toast King to calm down! *tackles Dark*
Ally: OMG! Stop the violence! Jk, fight fight fight!
(Meanwhile, Chip is seen peeping through the bushes, then reports back to Grass)
Chip: Holy crap, you hearing this!? They plan on voting you out! And we’re outnumbered!
Grass: Well I’ll be damned. Looks like I’m gonna have to win immunity then.
Chip: Yep…. Anyways, good luck at the challenge! *runs off*
Grass: Something is off about that guy.
Chip: *In Confessional* Pfft, I knew about their plan to vote out Grass all along, wanna know why? Cus, it was my idea. Duh! You see, Ally and I are still aligned, so earlier this morning I convinced her to get Dark and Toast to vote out Grass next. And if Grass wins immunity? He’ll be the swing vote between me/Ally and Dark/Toast, and after all this asskissing, he’ll wanna vote out one of the latter. And then it’s easy picking from there on! >:D
Toast: *In Confessional* Game Oldies can go fuck itself!
(Immunity Challenge- Day 32)
(We are shown a giant movie-like set of an old Western town as Chwiis explains the challenge to the contestants)
Chwiis: Alright, so today you each will be given revolvers, dress up like cowboys, and hunt each other down. So yeah, last person standing wins immunity and three more days with your favorite ogre-licious host.
Dark: So these guns have paintballs in them, right?
Chwiis: Nope, live rounds.
Grass: Wait, so you’re gonna have us shoot each other with REAL bullets?
Chwiis: Basically, yeah.
Chwiis: Don’t worry, infidels. You will die, but after the challenge is over and we have a winner, I will use my oversized shaft to magically revive you all. Now, when I snap my finger, you all will teleport to spread out areas in this town, wearing cowboy gear. Good luck. *snaps finger*
(The contestants teleport to different areas in the town, and the search is on)
Chwiis: Now, time to go to the control room.
(Chwiis enters a room with monitors all around, as he takes a seat next to his assistant, Aqua)
Aqua: Now we sit back and watch a bloodbath!
Chwiis: Hopefully this won’t be repetitive like the beaner jokes in my Star Wars fanfic.
Aqua: *eating popcorn, watching screen* Yeah sure totally.
Chwiis: Say, are you gonna share some of that, or are you gonna be Jewish about it?
(Meanwhile we cut to Grass as he’s walking past a couple of old buildings)
Grass: Man, this desert heat is killing me, no wonder Heo’s Arizonian ass is always so thirsty.
(Grass then stops to notice a saloon)
Grass: Eh, I could really use a drink right about now…. Ah, what the Hell.
(Grass then enters the saloon to see it is empty, then proceeds to grab a bottle of whatever tf he drinks, when suddenly, he notices a sound coming from the back room)
Grass: *gets out revolver and points it at curtain*
(Chip comes from out the curtain, shocked to see Grass at first, then relieved)
Chip: Woah, relax buddy. It’s just me.
(Grass reluctantly points the gun down)
Grass: Scared the shit out of me. Anyways, what do you want?
Chip: What do I want? Nah, it’s a matter of what YOU want. You see, your ass is on the line, so you wanna win immunity, right? Well, I’m here to help you. We’ll go out searching around for the others and kill them. And if one of them is about to get you, I’ll be willing to get in the way and take a bullet for you. You know, like allies and friends do. :3
Grass: Oh yeah? what’s in it for you? Won’t you be next in line if I win?
Chip: Don’t be silly! Remember, I still have Ally. When I help you win this challenge, I’ll go rally her up and we’ll vote out one of Dark/Toast like we originally intended.
Grass: Sounds like a plan to me.
Chip: Great! Now lemme go get my revolver from the back room, and we’ll be on our way.
(Chip turns around to walk towards the back room, but as soon as he turns around, Grass points his revolver directly at the back of Chip’s head and pulls the trigger, blowing a hole in Chip’s head and causing him to fall flat on the floor, dead)
Grass: Thought you could outwit me again? Looks like the Boograssi was one step ahead of ya this time, PAL!
(Grass then grabs Chip’s revolver and begins to exit the saloon)
Grass: *In Confessional* Chip must’ve thought I’m an idiot. Did he really think I wouldn’t find out that he convinced Ally to vote out Heo then have himself vote Ally so he could use it as a cover-up? LMAO. I’m not falling for anyone’s shit for a second out here. And Chip can use this as a lesson.
(Grass walks out of the saloon and places his revolvers in his pockets, when suddenly a bullet grazes his jacket)
Grass: What the…
(Grass looks up ahead down the road and sees Toast in the distance)
Toast: On behalf of the power of Jesus Toast, I shall send yo pedo ass down to Hell! *shoots again*
(Grass then runs across the road as Toast shoots four more times at him, all of them miss, Grass then trips and falls suddenly)
Grass: Fuck, my back!
Toast: *walks up to Grass* Looks like your time is now, Cena fan!
(Toast pulls the trigger while pointing his revolver at Grass, but nothing happens, as he is out of bullets)
(Grass then pulls out one of his revolvers and shoots Toast in the head, killing him instantly)
Grass: Phew! Man that was close! Wait a minute… Something’s not right here.
Grass: *In Confessional* Ok, so when I killed Chip, I shot him point blank in the back of the head, yet I noticed he wasn’t bleeding. Not even a single drip. At first I assumed Chwiis teleporting us caused some sort of glitch or error, but that didn’t seem to be the case when I shot Toast, he was bleeding like Hell. Something’s up.
(Meanwhile, we cut to Dark walking through town casually, just being his Max Goof self, when all of a sudden…)
Ally: *pops out of nowhere* Hey Dark! *shoots Dark six times, causing him to fly back a few feet, landing flat on his back*
Chwiis: *watching from room* OH DAAAAAAYYUUUUMM!!! Dark got fucked up m8!
Aqua: I wouldn’t be so sure yet.
Aqua: Just wait and see.
(Ally walks up to Dark’s lifeless body)
Ally: Wow, liek I can’t believe I just killed him like that. Yay me!
(Suddenly, Dark pops his head up and smiles)
Dark: I’m too Max Goof to die that easily.
Ally: Eek! OMG! WTF!
Dark: *gets out gun and shoots Ally three times in the stomach area*
Ally: Liek, ow! you shot me in the stomach! LOL! :) *drops dead*
(Dark gets up opens up his jacket to reveal his own handcrafted bulletproof vest)
Dark: It actually worked, nice! B)
(A gunshot is heard in the air, catching Dark’s attention. He turns around, and twenty feet away from him, is none other than Grass, legs spread apart, ready to have a showdown)
Grass: Looks like it’s down to just you and me. And quite frankly, I’m not ready to lose now.
Dark: Right back at ya, bruh.
(Dark and Grass both pull out their guns and shoot like crazy, emptying out their revolvers of bullets. After it’s all over, smoke fulfills the area)
Aqua: I can’t see a thing, who won!?
Chwiis: I don’t know.
(The smoke eventually fades and we see both guys bleeding like Hell)
Grass: *gets down on knees* Ah fuck! Not sure how long I got left.
Dark: *gets down on knees* Shit! Looks like Max Goof will go poof in a minute or two!
Chwiis: Looks like it’s down to whoever bleeds out first.
Grass: Yo Dark.
Dark: Yeah Grass?
Grass: Please just….. urgh… fucking die already man.
Dark: I would…. But….. I’m just too Max Goof! *bites down on lower lip to succumb wounds*
Grass: True…. Yo Dark, guess what.
Grass: DEEZ NUTS!
Grass: GOTTI *Gods and shoots out lazer beams at Dark, blasting his ass into a million pieces*
Chwiis: Oh shit! Grass wins immunity!
Grass: *passes out*
Chwiis: Everyone else is vulnerable at tomorrow’s elimination ceremony. Now, time to bring everyone back to life.
(Merge Camp- Day 33)
(Dark and Toast approach Grass)
Dark: Yo Grass, we’re voting for Chip. You in?
Grass: Uh….. Maybe.
Toast: You should do it. It would be great for the Pokemon community.
Dark: ^^^ Besides, it’s between us and Ally & Chip. Who would you rather lose to?
Grass: That is a good point. Come to think about it. Helping out Ally and Chip doesn’t benefit me at all. I don’t know. I’ll think about it. *walks off*
Toast: You think he’ll do it?
Dark: Don’t know, but I’m too Max Goof to say he isn’t.
(We cut to Ally and Chip)
Ally: So liek, who do we vote?
Chip: Not sure yet, Toast annoys the Hell out of me, but Dark I feel is the bigger challenge threat. I could really go either way. Both of them are useless. And whoever goes it’s not like the other is gonna go on to win this game so it’s not like we’ll make a wrong decision.
Ally: That is soooo true Ben!
Chip: Did you just call me by my real name!? How dare you!
Ally: Screw you! *knocks out Chip and runs away*
Chip: *In Confessional* Grrr Ally is gonna pay for that later. Mark my words! >:(
Toast: *In Confessional* I have a feeling tonight's vote is gonna be interesting….. And delicious! *takes bite out of Wonderbread*
Grass: *In Confessional* Once again I’m in a power position. Can this get any better? So basically I’m the swing vote and I have a choice between siding with Ally/Chip and Dark/Toast. Tough decision, but whichever choice I make in the end, I know will be the right one.
Dark: *In Confessional, dressed up all fancy and shiz* Since this might be my last day out here, might as well go out in style. *puts on sunglasses* Max Goof style! B)
(Elimination Ceremony- Night 33)
Chwiis: Alright fgts, the votes have been cast. When I call your name, you will receive a jar full of my ogre semen.
Aqua: I swear these handouts are getting weirder and more disgusting each time.
Chwiis: Ey! Don’t make me get the jihad out on your ass! Anyways…… The following are Safe:
Chip: How typical that you guys go after moi!
Grass: Sorry bruhs. But it really was a tough decision.
Chwiis: Bottom two: Chip and Toast. Not gonna lie, didn’t think it was gonna come down between you two. But in a 3-2 vote, the person going home is……
Chwiis: Chip! See ya! Wouldn’t wanna be ya!
Chip: *Gasps* Wait, WHAT!?
Chwiis: Lol jk, you are safe. Which means nice knowing ya, Toast!
Toast: It’s because my mom is black isn’t it!
Dark: Aw man, I’m gonna miss you buddy.
Toast: Choke on a pop-tart Max Bitch!
Chwiis: The Hurl of Shame awaits!
(We cut to Toast sitting on top the giant catapult)
Chwiis: Any last words, m9?
Toast: Yes, I do. You wanna know what really grinds my gears? Australia. Also, *links Amy porn pic* That is all I have to say.
Chwiis: Mhm, interesting. Launch him, Aqua!
(Aqua releases the catapult, sending Toast into the night sky)
Chwiis: Wow, final four! We finally made it this far, and we’ll only continue to get farther! Tune in next week for more Balls! Of! Steel!
(Preview for Episode 12 plays)
“Next time on Balls of Steel…”
“For the last eleven episodes, you’ve seen some of your favorite and least favorite TDRPW members get launched *montage of contestants getting the Hurl of Shame treatment plays* But ever wonder: Where do they go? Well, that’s what you are about to find out”
(Cut to the voted out contestants chilling it out and having a blast at a luxurious beach house)
“This is Loserdom Palace, not too far from where they were competing at, this is the place where the losers go once they have been voted out. And next week, we’re taking a break from the game to take an inside look at life here in this awesome place and reunite with the eleven losers whom you witnessed getting voted out.”
(Cut to a short, brief clip of Rocker choking the shit out of GO)
“It all happens on Balls of Steel, Episode 12: Welcome to Loserdom Palace”
(End of preview)