(The Gang are once again on the couch watching TV, this time it’s TD and Rocker watching their favorite show.)
TD: LIKE OMG GUISE, #BIGBROTHER IS GREATER THAN MY LITTLE PONY, ANNABELLE AND ENGLISH MUFFIN DAWN COMBINED! Well….maybe not English Muffin Dawn, but still it’s awesome!
Rocker: I mean English Muffin Dawn doesn’t hold a candle to Janelle but sure jan.
TD: Why do you have to ruin the one thing we have in common?
Rocker: Fine. JANELLE GO WIN THAT HOH!
TD: NAH, THIS IS RACHEL’S!
RJ: I’m going for Donny to be honest. t Rocky: Beast mode cowboy is getting this, he’s used to keeping bitches in line.
Rocky: Yeah, you’re salty huh bitch?
Toast: Ahem. I speak for everyone else on this couch when I say: NOBODY GIVES A SINGLE FUCK ABOUT BIG BROTHER, IT’S BEEN OVER FOR A MONTH AND NOBODY CARES ABOUT THOSE 5 SEASONS YOU GUYS GO THROUGH IN A WEEK.
Heo: PREACH IT!
TD: Quit complaining, you never see me bitching.
(Dark and Boograssi look at each other.)
Dark: No comment.
Fiz: I’m going to have to agree with Toast here, SSB just came out for the Wii U and you guys are hogging the TV.
TD: I ONLY HAVE 20 EPISODES LEFT!
GODuncan: Ha, I bet this isn’t the first time a guy didn’t let you stick your Wii in!
Fiz: Yup, but after a few more attempts, they let me. Just ask your dad.
GODuncan: Really funny.
Fiz: I wasn’t joking.
GODuncan: I was raised by dogs so I hope you enjoyed that doggy dik in your mouth.
Fiz: Sure did, now anyways get off.
Dark: How about you guys get off?
(Rocker and TD walk away to go do other things.)
Dark: There ya go.
Fiz: What the hell?
Dark: I’m too Max Goof to be denied.
Fiz: Alright, so who wants to play me? Toast? Rocky? Grass?
Toast: I would, but I’m too busy beating Grass’ ass in Pokemon.
Boograssi: Beating my ass? I got you on the ropes!
Toast: Killing two Pokemon after losing 4 isn’t getting me on the ropes. Also, you’re dead.
Boograssi: MAN, FUCK THIS SHIT!
(Boograssi throws the laptop down and walks off.)
Fiz: What about Chwiis?
Dark: I haven’t seen him in like a week.
Heo: What if he’s hurt?
GO: Don’t worry about that stupid aussie, I’m sure he’s fine.
(We cut to Chwiis hanging out at the mess hall with his fellow cellmates.)
Chwiis: What is this exactly?
Inmate #1: You don’t know? It’s Mystery Meat loaf Monday.
(Chwiis goes to stick his fork in it as the “meat loaf” begins to move.)
(Tyrone tosses it on the floor and stomps the shit out of it to stop it from moving. He then picks it up and puts it back on Chwiis tray.)
Chwiis: Um, thanks.
Tyrone: Any time.You know, I’m getting sick of this place.
Inmate #1: I ain’t spending the rest of my life here, I say we bust out.
Tyrone: I’ve been thinking the same thing. I have a plan that could get the three of us out in no time
Chwiis: I don’t like the sound of this, I can’t be a fugitive mate!
Tyrone: Would you rather stay here boy? Just think, once we get out we can pop bottles, party all day, maybe head over to the strip club and get you some oral stimulation on deck, knaw mean?
Chwiis: Yeah, I know what you mean Tyrone but still, I don’t think this is a good idea.
(A guard walks up from behind Chwiis and whispers in his ear.)
Guard: Hey there.
Guard: How you doing kid?
Chwiis: Other than living the boring life of being a prisoner I guess I’m doing good.
Guard: I can end your boredom and show you a good time. Meet me at cellblock three after lights out.
Chwiis: Beg your pardon?
Guard: Listen. I like ya, and I want ya. Now we can do this the easy way or we can do it the hard way, the choice is yours.
Guard: Yo ass is mine white boi.
(The guard walks off.)
Chwiis: Yeah, we’re busting out of here TONIGHT.
(We switch back to Fiz and Rocky playing SSB 4. Fiz is playing Kirby while Rocky is playing Palutena. The two fighters do their signature pre-game poses to start off.)
Rocky: Yeah, Palutena get on that pole and shake your ass for a goon!
(The match begins as Kirby immediately goes on the attack.)
Fiz: Are you going to do anything? ROCKY PULL YOUR PANTS BACK UP!
Rocky: Fine, I’ll just finish up in the bathroom, shieeeeett.
Fiz: Geez, can I get somebody to play SSB with me?
Zoey: I can.
GO: For the last time, nobody likes you!
Heo: Yeah, if you ever come around here again without Sky and her fine Asian ass I swear to god!
(Dark has out a broom and starts whacking her.)
Dark: Shoo! Shoo! Get out you whore!
(Zoey runs out of the house) Dark: There ya go yet again B)
RJ: You know, I could always play the game.
Fiz: Yeah, but I’ve played you like a gazillion times before, and you always pick Princess Peach!
RJ: But she’s just so fabulous!
Fiz: Yeah, I’ll just pass.
(Toast is still on the computer and starts yelling.)
Toast: Guys! Guys!
Toast: I just got a message from JRO!
Rocker: What does the backstabbing bitch have to say?
Toast: He hears we’ve all been at Heo’s house so he invited us to an all expense paid trip to Massachusetts!
Fiz & RJ: FREE VACATION!
Rocky: I don’t know man, I don’t want to be even a few cities near that fuq boi John Cena.
Boograssi: You shut your mouth.
Dark: Let’s go guys, Consuela pack our stuff!
(The Gang head to the airport to get on a plane meanwhile Chwiis and the gang are in the sewage system trying to escape.)
Chwiis: It’s everywhere……
Tyrone: Shut the fuck up and keep moving.
(The Gang are now at Mass, taking a cab to JRO’s neighborhood. We soon stop at the house.)
Noah: That’ll be $9.25, thank you come again! TD: I swear this guy has like 8 jobs.
(We see a perfect house with 2 cars in the driveway, a freshly cut lawn with flowers, plants and garden gnomes. Yeah, it’s obviously a white family.)
Boograssi: Nice place.
GODuncan: Yeah, I can’t wait to blow it up ALULULULULULULULULULU!
GODuncan:Oh um I sneezed, sorry about that! ………..…..Death to America.
Heo: Well anyway guys let’s go in.
(The Gang walk up and knock on the door.)
JRO: In a minute!
(We hear a constant smacking noise.)
(Rocky knocks again.)
JRO Um…*smack smack* I’ll be right there...oh...oh.oh…….. OH GOD………...HNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.
(JRO walks over and opens the door looking like a 12 year old Eric Cartman.)
JRO: Hey guys, it’s nice to meet you, come in, come in, we have a lot of catching up to do!
(The Gang walk in but things seem strange.)
Toast: This guy sure does like his Dawn….
Dark: And Princess Peach.
RJ: *has picture of a Mexican* And Heo.
Heo: That’s Mario!
RJ: Really? Damn, it’s like you two are twins.
Heo: He’s Italian!
TD: Heo, this isn’t about you, we’re visiting JRO.
Heo: But I’m not even-
Rocker: Shut up Jan
Heo: Jesus Christ….
Boograssi: Quit trying to shove the bible down our throats!
Heo:.....I’ll just stop talking. ._.
JRO: Ok, take a seat guys. Would you care for some tea, soda...milk? ;)
GO: I refuse to drink anything that involves the suffering of the sacred cow!
Fiz: Soda sounds good.
Rocky: Yeah, who the fuck drinks tea anyway?
JRO: Let me go get it, be right back.
(JRO heads into the kitchen. He goes into the fridge for soda but there’s none left.)
JRO: Guys there’s none in the kitchen but I have extra’s in the basement, I’ll be right back!
(JRO goes to the basement where a girl is seen crying.)
JRO: Shut up whore! We have guests at this house, save the screaming for later.
(JRO grabs the soda’s and slowly licks the tear off the cheek of Dawn.)
Dawn: You’re a monster!
Dawn: And you have a small penis!
JRO: 3 INCHES IS GOOD FOR MY AGE!
(Chwiis is going through the sewage with his posse again.)
Chwiis: My shaft sense is tingling, I think we’re reaching the real world! I’m seeing light!
Tyrone: Yeah, dawg, let’s go!
(The group make it out of the sewage pipe and into water but people are waiting for them.)
Police: Do you think we haven’t seen Shawshank Redemption?
Police: Put your hands up where we can see them.
(The group give up and are put in handcuffs but one group member isn’t ready to give up.)
Buk Lau: LIKE A SOMEBODEH FUQ YOU BITCH! I AM AN ASIAN BOI, I CAN’T GO BACK, THERE A BIG BLACK GUY, WHO’S TRYING TO RAPE MEH! ;-;
Guard From The Mess hall: Calm down.
Buk Lau: IT’S HIM!
(Buk Lau and Chwiis runs like a motherfucker.)
Guard: I’ll get him….
(The Guard loses Buk Lau but manages to catch up to Chwiis and lunges at him.)
Guard: YOUR BOOTY IS MINE, IT BELONGS TO ME!
(The Guard manages to grab Chwiis while Buk Lau trips and gets beaten repeatedly.)
Guard: *whispers* You’re mine tonight….
(Chwiis bursts into tears as we switch back to The Gang talking with JRO.)
JRO: And I said to Rocker “me and you in an alliance?” WHAT’S THAT?
(The Gang start laughing as Rocker glares.)
Rocker: Laugh it up you piece of shit.
(The laughing continues.)
GO: I GET ICE NOW!
(GO seems to go unnoticed as he walks into the kitchen and checks the fridge.)
GO: Ice...ice…..GREAT BATMANTDI!
(Luigi’s head is seen in the freezer.)
GO: GUYS, GUYS! JRO IS A CREEPY FUCKER!
Rocky: You just found that out?
GO: NO, I MEAN HE IS SUPER CREEPY, MORE THAN WE THOUGHT, HEAD INTO KITCHEN NOW!
Toast: OH THE HUMANITY!
Toast: HE HAS TOASTER STRUDEL! How could he turn his back on true toastiness!?
GO: Not that: This!
(GO shows the head.)
JRO: Oh that head? It’s a fake you silly goose. If it was real, how come I can’t do this?
(JRO attempts to take the hat off to no avail.)
JRO: It's a special clay that can only be dried with cold air, sorry if it scared you.
Fiz: Thanks for the waste of time GO.
Dark: I’m too Max Goof to get my time wasted, that’s why every year is a second in Dark years.
Dark: Maybe. Maybe not. I’m a troll.
Boograssi: Indeed you are Dark. Indeed you are.
Rocker: So it’s been established that GO is off his fucking rocker? I have some American Horror Story to watch.
TD: Wait a minute, who said you get dibs? I didn’t bring my ultimate super awesome mega mind blowing ass kicking spectacular better than having sex with Gary Busey director’s cut of Anna Belle for nothing!
Rocker: I called dibs in the car.
TD: Don’t make me kick- CRAP!
JRO: Guys we aren’t watching American Horror Story or Anna Belle. We’re playing SSB4.
GO: We aren’t playing anything with you!
Fiz: GO nobody likes you.
GO: Well --
Toast: Shut the fucking fuck up before I fucking make you, you fucking motherfucking son of a bitch.
Heo: Yeah, what he said!
Toast: Shut up Heo.
(The Gang play SSB 4 and party like it’s 1999.)
Boograssi: This isn’t like back how it was in my day. N64, PS2, Gamecube….
RJ: Nobody cares about your old ass games.
Boograssi: Two of those were having new games until 07.
RJ: WTF is 07?
Boograssi: Why do I even talk to you?
(Fiz and JRO are the best of friends, kicking everybody’s ass in multiplayer.)
Fiz: This is epic.
JRO: Yeah, I like your style.
Fiz: You’re pretty groovy yourself.
Dark: Screw this, I’m calling it a night.
Rocky: I’ll hit the hay too.
Boograssi: Consuela better have packed my orthopedic pillow….
Heo: You guys are a bunch of party poopers!
Heo: Yeah, I’ll sleep too.
Fiz: Aw man, everybody’s leaving.
JRO: We can play more tomorrow, head to your bed, the room is upstairs.
(Everybody heads to their respective rooms. Everybody except GO that is.)
GO: I’m going to reveal JRO for the creep that he is….
(GO tries a few rooms but nothing.)
GO: Damn it, where is the proof- AHH!
(GO trips over a loose floorboard.)
GO: OW! Hey…
(Underneath the board is many disturbing items.)
(GO rummages through the secret stash of items.)
GO: Glue? That’s why Luigi's hat was stuck to his head! What else is in here...hmm...pictures of girls in the bathroom….anal beads...severed heads…...pictures of all of us with the words “BFF’s forever on it”....and ass cream?
JRO: I have skin issues okay?
GO: JRO! I can explain….
JRO: There’s no need to explain. Listen GO, I want all of us to be one big happy family here but if you want to cause a rift in the family and deny my love like Luigi did *chokes up* I’m going to have to “let you go”.
GO: Let me go? What do you mean?
JRO: I mean let you find your real home. In heaven. While I brutally sodomize your remains.
GO: Oh…HEY LOOK IT’S DR MARIO!
JRO: Where? I’M GOING TO KICK HIS CLONE ASS!
(GO runs down the stairs and bangs at the door but it's locked in.)
GO: NO! NO! NO!
(JRO’s shadow grows closer.)
JRO: GO, don’t mess with my emotions like that….
GO: Shit! Where do I go! Where do I go! Where do I go! Oh my God!
(GO looks around until he sees an empty fireplace.)
GO: Guess it's my best shot....
(GO runs up the chimney and actually makes good progress.)
GO: Yes, I’m out of here! Suck it JRO!HAHAHAHAHAHA -- Wait. SHIT IM STUCK!
JRO: You can’t run from me GO….
GO: You can’t do anything to me from here, so KISS MY ASS YOU DIRTY JEW!
JRO: Oh yes I can.
(JRO lights up the fireplace.)
GO: OH NO....NO! PLEASE, DON’T! I’LL DO SOME GOOD SUCKING!FUCK YOU, YOU INFIDEL!AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHLULULULULULULULULULULULULULULU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(It’s now morning time as we see the gang eating breakfast while JRO "sadly" explains how GO died.)
JRO: Here is his suicide note.
Rocky: “I hang self now.” Seems pretty legit if you ask me.
Rocker: His ass is probably salty because of the Friends finale.
JRO: There’s no reason to be sad guys. GO wouldn’t want us to mope. And I’m sure that he can take comfort in the fact that there is a little bit of GO in us all. Now eat your breakfast. Sorry if the sausage is....over cooked.
(The Gang eats their “sausage while listening to the speech.)
TD: This meat is tough.
Toast: Really? Mine seems soft like a bitch.
(We cut to Chwiis for a moment.)
Chwiis: Tyrone. Drop your pants.
Tyrone: Woah, I know we’re in jail but I don’t do none of that homo shit!
Chwiis: I don’t either, I have an idea though.
(After some weirdness we see about a 3 mile hole in the jail wall.)
(Meanwhile at JRO’s house.)
Heo: So JRO, how’s life?
JRO: It’s been better.
Heo: How come?
JRO: I don’t want to talk about it.
Dark: Is it because you’re a chubby kid who gets bullied and has no girls?
JRO: What makes you think that!?
Dark: It’s obvious.
(JRO grabs a fork and puts it up to Dark’s throat.)
Dark: WHAT THE HELL!
JRO: Don’t you ever assume things about me!
Dark: Ok, ok!
Boograssi: Sheesh, you need to calm those man titties, no wonder you’re a loser.
JRO: I’LL CUT YOU TOO!
Fiz: JRO, you need to calm down. I’ll gladly help calm your nerves with some of the stick ickey for 20 dollars.
Rocky: JRO just sit your ass down!
JRO: Fine….I guess we’ll have a lifetime to fix your manners anyway.
Rocky: A lifetime? We only have a few more hours. Fiz, I think JRO already jacked your stuff.
Fiz: Well then. Are you going to pay me or would you prefer to be a son of a bitch?
JRO: No, no, I’m fine. I guess I forgot to mention that you guys really are spending a lifetime here. Now that that tidbit is out of the way we can play SSB, and eat food, and read comics all day long!
Rocker: Fuck that!
JRO: I’ll throw in KFC.
Rocker: K Jan.
Dark: Listen, we aren’t going to stay with somebody crazy like you, I'm too Max Goof for that!
JRO: Come on guys!
JRO: Don’t end up like GO!
Boograssi: Like GO?
(Rocky pulls out a long ass unibrow from his sausage.)
Heo: Oh god I knew this sausage was familiar…..it’s like the type my mom gets for Tamale Tuesday!
Toast: So human flesh?
RJ: Eh, I’ll still eat it. Food is food.
Dark: Don’t you mean….Food is life?
(Stitch is seen in the background with drums.)
“BA DUM TSS”
Dark: I’ll be here all night folks.
JRO: MORE LIKE FOREVER!
Dark: Nah, I’m too Max Goof for that.
JRO: Are you too Max Goof for this?
(JRO pulls out a Machine gun while we also see the 9mil Glock hanging out his pocket.)
Rocky: Damn, JRO is on some Rambo shit right now.
TD: What’s Rambo?
Boograssi: Feel my pain Rocky.
(JRO shoots off a few rounds in the air.)
Toast: HOLY FUCK!
JRO: Do you think I’m playing! You guys aren’t going anywhere!
Fiz: Not even for a scooby snack?
JRO: Wha..how...I’M NOT EVEN CLOSE TO META!
Fiz: Right, so how about a game of SSB. If one of us can beat you, we get to go.
TD: I’ll go first.
(TD goes through the selection but there’s no Ice Climbers.)
TD: On second thought, nah.
Dark: I’m too Max Goof to play this after being threatened.
Fiz: Well, I guess I’ll just do it…..
JRO: Prepare to get creamed.
Fiz: If that means high off my ass, then I already am brah.
(JRO goes through the selections and picks Mario.)
JRO: Ah. Old faithful.
Fiz: Let’s see….
(Fiz goes through his pick and leaves the cursor on Lucina and then goes to Jiggly, before putting it back on Lucina again.)
Fiz: I’ll pick….
(Fiz clicks the player and we get right to the action.)
Heo: *On the phone* I’ve never got to say this...but I love you. Ok, bye…Dairy Queen.
Toast: Shut up Heo, we aren’t going to lose.
(We get a shot of Mario doing his poses.)
Mario: IT’S A ME: MARIO!
(We then get a shot of Fiz’ character.)
Mario: IT’S A ME: DOCTOR MARIO!
JRO: DR MARIO!? WHAT! NO! NOT THAT SPACE WASTING CLONE!
(Fiz takes JRO’s ranting as a chance to serve up some piping hot ass whoopings in the game.)
JRO: WE COULD HAVE HAD SO MANY CHARACTERS- BUT NO, JUST A SECOND MARIO WITH A COSTUME CHANGE AND-
Announcer: You lose!
JRO: THE FUCK!?
JRO: Not fair!...Too bad I still have my guns.
Rocky: Okay….I’M RELOADED!
(Rocky starts shooting like crazy at JRO as he surrenders)
JRO: Since when the fuck do you carry a gun?
Rocky: How the fuck could I live on the south side and not pack heat?
(The Gang empty the rooms and rescue Dawn.)
Dawn: Thank you guys so much!
Rocky: No problem, besides, we should thank you.
Rocker: Yeah, you were very "generous".
JRO: Wait, what’s going on?
JRO:...OH GOD! WITH ROCKER AND ROCKY!?
Toast: With me too.
Dark: Same, you can’t keep me away from the Roxanne’s.
Boograssi: I thought she was like a community share.
TD: Even I had a turn tbh.
JRO: But- but…..
(JRO begins to cry and have a tantrum, throwing things around the house as the group leaves.)
Heo: Meh, what the hell.
(Heo’s inner mexican kicks in and before he leaves the house he steals as much shit as he can.)
Heo: I got us cab fare esse’s!
(Chwiis is continuing to crawl into the pit when suddenly he runs into Topher and Jasmine from TDPI ep 7.)
Jasmine: Ello mate.
Chwiis: Ello mate.